Apr 13, 2005

Even you can be a blogging superstar!

Andrew, over at The Blog at the End of the Universe offers the following advice on becoming one of the handful of BESTEST BLOGGERS ON THE INTERNET!©

You see that "next blog" button at the top of the page? It brings you to a random blog by another user. (No, not yet! Stay a while!) I'll occasionally click it to see what comes up. Maybe I'll find a new one to add to the short (but growing) list of blogs that I regularly visit. Maybe I'll get a new idea that I can, er, borrow to improve my own blog. Maybe I'll just forget about my own life for a few minutes and live vicariously through a complete stranger who doesn't know I exist. Regardless of the motivations for browsing, through careful research of the other options for blog readers out there I've come to realize how lacking my blog is in certain areas.

I mean, come on, look at it. I'm not a graphic designer. My site currently looks like ... well, I don't know quite what it's supposed to look like. I guess that's sort of the problem. So, while there isn't much hope for my blog in the area of style, I can still help others with theirs before they slide into mundanity. To that end, here are some pointers I've picked up during today's browsing that will help ensure that you are on the fast track to blogging success.

Making Your Blog the Bestest Ever:

1. Have pop-up prompts that greet me, especially those containing misspelled welcomes and inane quotes. "Gr33tingz! Im 2 leggit 2 quit yo!" I'll click "OK" to that any day.
Bonus points: Use more than one. In fact, you can never use too many of these. Every prompt will increase the user's anticipation for that sweet sweet moment they finally arrive at your homepage.

2. Even better, assault me with pop-up advertisements. While many bloggers make the mistake of believing that my visit to their corner of the Web is prompted by a desire to read journals containing humor, intelligent commentary, or small insights into the human condition, what I'm really looking for is a spyware warning or a chance to punch the monkey and win.
Bonus points: Include a java script that gives McAfee a hissy fit.

3. Have an imbedded video or music on the entry page. Who really wants to read, anyway? I'd much rather watch the latest music video or listen to the remix that is currently rocking your socks (or r0xx0ring your s0xx0rs). If you like it, then it's pretty much guaranteed that your visitors will like it. I mean, they're your visitors! Why give them a choice in the matter? Found a video that works fine on your broadband connection, but not sure if dial-up users can handle it? So what! What is this, 1996?
Bonus points: Choose a file that takes forever to load, and then doesn't work properly. If you can manage to crash my browser, you've struck gold.

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